I KNOW. Exercise correlates with lower rates of depression. It is a well-known and well-proved coping mechanism. But I don’t wanna!!! It’s hot and sunny and windy and there’s a bit of a sand storm blowing out here in the desert and I have NO desire to go sweat in it. So there. I will watch reruns of Nevermind the Buzzcocks on Youtube and eat chocolate and hide under a blanket. I will be proactive tomorrow.

*I know, nothing about God or religion, but seriously, I don’t wanna do anything right now

Cliche… and a bit of a rant.

This might sound cliche but I am diving in anyway. Be warned, I have had a long day and am feeling a bit heart broken and angry. Tread softly and be nice in the comments please.

I have a lot of questions, and a lot of philosophical, big, fancy points to research and inquire about as I figure out my view of faith and religion and God. But I have one big problem that is outweighing them all tonight. And it is such a cliche. If there is a God, why is there so much suffering?

I know, I know- free will, master plan, used for his glory, tests so that we can grow, one set of footprints, I was carrying you, original sin; believe me my faithful friends, if you have an answer to this question, I have heard it. I have probably even said it. But lately… none of that is good enough.

Has anyone else ever reached that point, where they look at the world- the pain, the horror, the ugliness, the oppression, and said… why? The God I believe(d) in is so loving, so just, so powerful… why would God allow that? 

What suffering, you may ask? Ever heard of the missing women, or the missing generation? This term refers to a lot of phenomenon, but I refer to the hundreds of millions of women and girls that should be in the world population and are not. Logic (and math) dictate that the world’s population should be roughly 50/50 between the male and female genders. But it isn’t. Because hundreds of millions of women and girls have been victims of gender genocide. 

This thought overwhelms me. Add that to the hundreds of millions of women, girls, boys, and men who are brutalized, victimized, and oppressed every day… it makes my stomach hurt and my head spin. Want to add more desperate confusion to it? Okay!

It is a fact that the human race evolved into our current state at least 100 thousand years ago. My faith proclaims that God sent Jesus to save us, redeem us, and free us 2,000 years ago. So for 98 thousand years God was… watching? waiting? busy?? If he can watch us flounder as a species for 98 thousand years, and then continue to allow the increasingly horrific oppression and murder of millions of people, why would I think he would take any time for me? And how can I ever find hope and comfort in that God? How can I cultivate a “personal relationship” with Jesus under those circumstances?

Again… feeling very heart broken today… if you couldn’t tell.